Jon and I are taking a two part class on Newborn Infant Care from the local hospital in St. Paul. This all came about upon the suggestion of my wonderful friend Julie who noted that her husband Alvin got a lot out of these type of classes. Jon and I have been really excited, but equally terrified because of the whole "which of these couples is not like the rest" looks we get. And boy oh boy, this class did not disappoint!! We stood outside the door trying to rubberneck and see what kind of couples were inside. After standing in the hall like losers for two minutes debating whether or not we had the strength to walk through the door, I finally took charge and busted on it. Within four seconds of entering the door, the female instructor announces in front of all the couples already in the room......."Wooooow, two dads and noooooooooo mommy?" It wasn't a statement so much as a question and this began our awkward journey through Newborn Infant Care.
I have to note that there were seven couples total and two singles - a soon-to-be mom and a soon-to-be dad who were not together. And of those seven couples, only one of them besides Jon and I were married. I found that very interesting! We were told we have to introduce ourselves and tell everyone our scheduled due date (cue the panicked expressions on the faces of Jon and I) I tried pulling out the old "in case you couldn't tell, neither of us is actually due to give birth" joke to lighten the mood and was greeted to a mixed reaction of laughter and scowls.
Anywho, we covered a variety of things including states of infant consciousness, cues that your baby is overstimulated, crib safety, and general infant appearance. This was the informational class and next week will be the hands on portion (bathing, swaddling, etc.) which will be great. We did get to see a slide show of all the different non-critical and temporary abnormalities that could be present in an infant (cone head, cradle cap, etc.) so that we were not alarmed at the appearance of our baby should any of those abnormalities be present. And I just have to say that I have never seen so many nipples in my entire lifetime (cue the jokes). I mean I am fascinated by the female body's ability to carry off such a magnificent and amazing task, but seriously, are the one minute closeups (no exaggeration!) necessary in the video that is blown up to the size of a movie theatre screen? There was literally no safe place to look in the room!! Looking at the screen made me feel perverted and looking around the room made me look uncomfortable with female anatomy which for the record I am not. Only when the nipple is big enough to body slam me do I feel awkward!! I could feel the uncontrollable giggles starting so I had to go to my "safe place" in order not to make a complete fool of myself......and Jon!
Class Two is next Thursday.
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