Well, the dreaded one year mark has come. Jon and I have officially been in the pool of candidates for exactly one year. I can remember the excitement and possibility of getting into the pool like it was yesterday. But somehow, somewhere over the course of this past year, the idea of an adoption has become foreign to Jon and me. That is not to say we do not want to adopt a baby....nothing could be farther from the truth. We are just shocked at how quickly we have become disconnected from the idea that at any moment of any day, our lives could change for the better. We no longer feel any excitement when the phone rings or read book after book after book about babies. It seems that without warning, our lives have returned back to places they were in pre-adoption. And that either means we are in for the shock of our lives or that we have subconsciously been preparing ourselves for the idea that this may never happen. I don't want to give the impression that we are in a constant state of self-pity about the adoption because that isn't true. But for every ounce of you that gets excited about possibility, you HAVE to have an equal part of yourself remain cautious and guarded. That is the genius of the human brain! We do have moments of self-pity still, but we always come back to the old adage, "if it's meant to happen, it will happen."
There is still a lot of time for things to progress. Jon and I self-imposed a two-year pool waiting timeline, but said that we would leave it open to discussion and reevaluate where we are at in our lives as to whether we wanted to proceed for longer than two years. And some people might think that if we really wanted a child, we would wait as long as we possibly could before giving up. But what the majority of those people will not and cannot understand are the limitations that get placed on your life when you make such a commitment. You cannot move, your vacation schedule becomes limited (have to save vacation days for the baby), making huge changes in your life (house changes, vacations, investments) become majorly constricted as you save for the arrival of a baby. Jon and I want to be able to plan for our future, but that is impossible to do without knowing if you will or will not have a baby.
We want to thank everyone over the past year who has given us words of encouragement, prayed for us, or sent us good vibes regarding the adoption. We will use all of that as we move into the second half of our "waiting game." And a special thank you to my family whose impromptu toasts at New Years Eve regarding the adoption gave me a much needed boost of energy.
